Hullo? Anybody there? And now I can hear something the sound of my mother crying softly. What is it with mothers? What’s happening here? As an adult, you know that as life goes on, you’re going to spend more and more time looking after the person who started out looking after you, that’s par for the course; but my mum and I swapped roles when I was about nine. Anything bad that has happened to me in the last couple of decades detentions, bad exam marks, getting thumped, getting bunged from college, splitting up with girlfriends has ended up like this, with Never Underestimate An Old Man Who Knows Jiu Jitsu Shirt visibly or audibly upset. It would have been better for both of us if I had moved to Australia when I was fifteen, phoned home once a week and reported a sequence of fictitious majors.